Choose what you let affect you - YOU create your own stress and anxiety!

One of the biggest issues that I get clients present for is for symptoms relating to STRESS and ANXIETY. Lets face it with what is going on in the world, and more closely around us everyday, is it any wonder that it can sometimes be difficult to manage our own thinking properly? How many times have any of us said - "those people really make me stressed"? How many times have we made decisions based on "how people are making us feel crap"? We may have also regretted those decisions as when we look back we may have actually been blowing things out of proportion - catastrophising, or we may have been getting a bit paranoid about what we assume others may be thinking or doing behind our backs? Truth is WE create stress and anxiety - others dont make us stressed. If you think that then you think of yourself as a victim, feeling powerless. Its all about how we react to what's going on around us - how we CHOOSE to let ourselves be affected by our surroundings ie other people and other things.

We all have to manage our thinking properly - yes even us therapists. I have been known sometimes to say to my self "My head is killing me" when obviously its not. So I get some perspective on it... "Actually I just have a headache. If I take two paracetamol, a glass of water in 10 minutes it will be fine". Now if I had gone all morning thinking me head was killing me, or it felt like an electric cattle prod was banging away in my head, I would have spent the morning feeling stressed and anxious - and chances are my headache would have worsened.

We can all of us develop negative thinking styles from a very early age or from an event or episode in our lives - thinking styles such as paranoia, catastrophising, obsessing, helplessness, black/white thinking,hypervigilence, perfectionist etc - very easily but it can be a challenge sometimes to keep them managed and keep perspective on whats going on around you.

Its very easy sometimes to lose that perspective - be so close to something that you just cant see the wood for the trees. You dont necessarily have to have low self esteem or be socially phobic to take your eyes off the ball. But if you recognise that you are letting things "get on top of you" then take a step back and re-appraise what exactly is going on and how can "I" manage things differently.

The good news is that I can help you get that perspective back into YOUR life - and it doesnt matter if you run a multi-million pound company or if you work in the corner shop. Its important that we ALL manage our thinking... Call me now on 01234 313186, or email me at greg.coyne@purehypno.com or visit my website HERE.

Christmas is here - is IT a disaster for your weight loss plans?

Speaking to a few Ex Hypno-Band clients recently its amazing how quickly your thinking can change when you start to take a bit more responsibility about what you eat.

Take Xmas for example - Im sure many of us have the Christmas tree and decorations up already and are trying to get in to the Christmas spirit, sorting out Secret Santa gifts, hiding pressies away from the kids ( even kids who are 20+ years old), and generally just starting to feel really good about things and looking forward to what the New Year will bring.

That is until you start thinking about your weight and how much you will be putting on over the Xmas period, how drinking so much will cause your weight loss plans to fail once again... After all IT always goes wrong at Christmas doesn't it !!

Well IT doesn't all go wrong for my Hypno-Band clients as they realise that IT didnt used to make them eat too much Xmas lunch, and it didnt force down those extra Mince Pies as they were so yummy, and IT didnt force them to drink just one more pint of lager or glass of wine ... there is no IT that makes you do any of those things. YOU have to take responsibility for what you eat and drink over Christmas.

The Hypno-Band way of eating is to eat ONLY when you are hungry and to stop eating when you recognise you are starting to become full. You eat healthy food in sensible portion sizes and you do some exercise. In addition you recognise your "triggers" and take the appropriate action. Now if you did that the Christmas period would be pretty similar to any other week...

So if you do over indulge on one day DONT chastise and berate yourself and think that ITS all going wrong. Just treat it as a blip, take responsibility and kick that backside into gear to make up for that small lapse over the following days - just get it back on track. You should all enjoy Christmas and everything about Christmas and that includes the food and drink but just take responsibility as in the past ITS never all gone wrong at Christmas - you have just slipped up and eaten too much!! Choose not to this Christmas !!

Thats why it doesnt matter if you decide to lose weight now or wait until after Christmas... but there is no time like the present. After all what bonus could you possibly get from starting a new weight loss Hypno-Band programme after Christmas? Well I am offering a £50 reduction on the normal cost of the Hypno-Band Programme for the month of January only!! But anyone who books between now and the New Year can start now AND receive the New Year bonus price.... So you have no excuses at all!! Call me now on 01234 313186 or email greg.coyne@ntlworld.com to book your first Hypno-Band session/consultation to get your reduced rate of £350 for all SIX sessions. You can find further details of the Hypno-Band Programme on either my main WEBSITE or one of my Hypno-Band specific Websites...

My life is shit... But is it really?

Today a client came in to my office and stated - Greg, my life is shit, Im a generous man but everyone I help shits on me. Why does it ALWAYS happen to me? Well those who know me will vouch for the fact that I am very tactful, wouldnt say boo to a goose, so will not be surprised when I replied " Thats absolute BOLLOCKS !!"

Now this man has very low self esteem, huge external locus of control, and is very social phobic so its not really surprising that he has totally mis-managed thinking at the moment having only had one session so far. The secret to being a good, nay a GREAT therapist, is having an ability to listen and hang on to information in case it comes in handy at any point. So out comes the old pad and paper and I draw a circle and around the circle I write "My Life is Shit"... said man replies Spot on !!

Now out comes my ammunition...

Ok so everyone shits on you eh... how many people have shit on you and not appreciated your generosity? Reply - about 20!
If you are a generous man you wouldnt have just helped 20 would you so how many others have you helped that haven't shit on you? Reply Probably well over 200 Hmnn... so how does 20 out of 220 relate to a statement of everyone then????
How long have you been married I ask to which he replies about 25 years....
How many kids and how have they turned out? Reply 2 and yes pretty good !!
You rolled up in a Bentley last week and an XK Jag this week so is your business good as I think you own your own Company? Reply yes business is fantastic.

So I think you can see where this is going - its very easy to think your life is shit and I would add even if you think it NEVER say it !! But sometimes you have to break the picture down in to smaller segments...

This guy had people a long time ago that shit on him, but he carried on helping other people. He is a really good guy so process that achievement !!

This guy owns and controls a multi-million pound Company even though his health is not the best. He is a successful business man who looks after the welfare of his workers so process that achievement !!

This man has been married for over 20 years and looked after his wife and helped develop his children. So process the fact he is a great husband and a loving father !!

The only problem is that he has lost perpective on his life, hasnt processed his achievements properly instead focussing on the negative aspects of his life which actually are pretty small... So he walked away today with a spring in his step, his THRIVE book under his arm, and an action that he decided to do this evening which was to write down all the good things in his life.... his life is magically no longer shit it is - as he put it - actually bloody good!!

Is it time you changed your life around? Call me now on 01234-313186, email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com or visit my website the Bedford Hypnotherapist. I can help you - I cant fix you BUT I can give you all the tools to fix yourself!!

Musings of a Therapist on Locus of Control....

Like many parents at this time of year I was sitting here thinking about Christmas and in particular past Christmas's - when the kids were small and I didn't feel quite so old and ancient. It didn't seem that long ago we were watching them perform at their primary school nativity plays. Proud parents watching their kids and hoping they don't drop baby Jesus from the crib, or trip up one of the three wise men on stage. Daughter thinking that as Mary the Mother of Christ she should have been allowed to wear her Fairy wings, son not understanding why he had to be one of the wise men and not Joseph - after all in the Bible Joseph didnt have sticky out ears and wear glasses!!

A locus of control develops in a child at a very early age based on how the child is encouraged, praised, nurtured and directed through those early years but as a parent then I had no idea about locus of control. My daughter went through school, did well, always very popular - every week it seemed that we were forking out for a present she could take to her latest friends party - and as they grow older you start to wonder what the future holds, what job they may end up in. I think my daughter always knew what she wanted to do from a very early age and was never swayed. She knew what it was she wanted to achieve but had to take responsibility to make it happen as no one could do it for her. It required putting in some effort - in fact I will correct that - it required putting in a lot of effort!

She worked hard, she studied, she knew her path would involve requiring passing examinations and getting good grades, and that it would require getting accepted for a University place. We had blips on the way, self doubts at times, required help from within the family and outside the family, but always that driving force to achieve her goals spurred her on. She even had time for more parties - but the presents she took to those were slightly different from those as a child. She focussed on what she wanted to happen and then took responsibility to make it happen - a strong Internal Locus of Control. She got her rewards and achieved her goal, and of course I'm a proud parent. As a proud parent I process MY role in that process which boosts my own Internal Locus Of Control....

So why I am thinking about this all now? Well as I said its that time of year when Nativity Plays and other school productions get in full swing and this year I again have a child involved in primary school productions. But there is a difference as this is now my child, who is now the Primary School Teacher, with their own class of Year 6 children, putting on a show for parents - young and old :-)

Taking responsibility to make happen whatever you want to happen takes effort, and it won't happen over night. Your goal maybe to get a new job, lose weight, stop smoking, save for a house, get a qualification but whatever it is you CAN achieve it. Just don't wait for things to happen - make them happen and when they do make sure you really process the achievement.

If you want help to get that Locus of Control then give me a call on 01234 313186 or email me on Greg.coyne@purehypno.com

Locus of Control - How much responsibility do YOU take in your life?

Locus of Control - How much responsibility do YOU take in your life? How much do you rely on other people to boost your self esteem? Its amazing really that so few people have even heard of Locus of Control but it plays a huge part in all of our lives. Unless you understand a little bit about yourself its very easy to fall in to the External Locus of Control way of thinking. This basically means that all the good things that happen in your life you tend to put down to other people making it happen or other things making it happen - you dont process things Internally, you dont process your achievements. You just wait for things to happen... and then are so disappointed when nothing happens, thinking to yourself why cant I have some good luck now and again, why does crap always happen to me.

Taking control to gain an Internal Locus of Control is about focussing on what you want to happen in your life and then taking responsibility to make it happen rather than to sit back and wait for things to happen. Wouldnt it be easy for example to fall out with a friend and take no responsibility to try and "patch things up" relying instead on waiting for someone else to take responsibility to get the ball rolling. I'm sure we have all done that... But wouldnt you feel better, have a greater feeling of self esteem, in you decided to take things in to your own hands rather than wait for someone or something else to fix things? Or what about wanting to get a new job but you sit waiting for someone else to offer you a new position or approach YOU ... chances are it probably wont happen. Instead you can take the initiative and get your CV out there, scour the newspapers, get on the books of agencies, and actually start to work on WHAT YOU WANT to happen. That action would boost your self esteem hugely.

This Locus of Control is a huge part of why people tend to fail at diets - they know what they want to happen ie lose weight, but they dont take enough responsibility to MAKE it HAPPEN. If you could develop an Internal Locus of Control you would focus on what you want to happen ie Lose Weight, and then think about HOW CAN I INFLUENCE THAT to get the result that I want? Of course you could eat only when you are hungry, stop eating when you start to get full, eat healthy smaller portions and do some exercise to assist the weight loss.,

I can help you to develop an Internal Locus of Control very quickly so if there are areas of your life that you feel you need to improve, why not make that first step by calling me GREG COYNE the Bedford Hypnotherapiston 01234 313186 or emailing me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com? If you dont you could be waiting for things to happen... for a very, very long time!

"IT" - the cause of Stress and Anxiety issues !!

A strange title for a Blog is probably what you are thinking now - at least I hope you are. I want to challenge your thinking for a while, because every day I hear clients talking about "IT". This "IT" is all empowering as IT can cause people to be stressed, IT can cause people to be angry, IT can cause people to be anxious, or happy, or sad.... there seems to be very little by way of emotions that "IT" cannot cause. Just have a think for a moment how many times a week you may say to either yourself, friend, work collegue or a family member things like the following:

"My work really makes me feel stressed" "Driving to work really makes me feel anxious" "When I look in the mirror and see myself it really makes me feel sad"

The common denominator is that if you do think like that YOU are taking no responsibility for how you are feeling. You are putting the way you feel on other people or other things MAKING you feel a certain way, and thats not correct! Your work does NOT make you feel stressed - you CHOOSE to feel stressed about your work and you could choose not to by managing your thoughts and your emotions properly. Driving does not make you feel anxious - you choose to feel anxious about driving and again if you managed your thoughts and emotions properly you could choose not to. Likewise looking in the mirror does not MAKE YOU feel sad... Get the idea?

When ever you use the word IT you are taking responsibility for something happening away from yourself and putting things down to a mysterious force, something outside of your control, and that's what we call an External Locus of Control. The good thing is that this is really easy to change using THRIVE or Hypnotherapy if you are prepared to put in some effort, and in a very short time the stress and anxiety that IT causes you to suffer could have disappeared - permanently.

If you are interested to find out more please call me on 01234 313186, email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com or even contact me through my WEBSITE.

New Year Resolutions - 8 Weeks and Counting !!

I just heard on TV this morning that its only 8 weeks until many will be once again swearing that that will finally get down to losing weight or stopping smoking. The problem is that its more than likely the same thing they decided to do last year, and the year before that. They start off with the best intentions and then once again IT all goes wrong !!! What is this magic IT that messes up their life year after year? Well I have decided now is the time that you need to be shocked out of you skin. So guess what ... there is no IT !! Its you - you cock up !! Year after year after year you have failed to stick to your New Year Resolution and thats why you will probably fail again this coming year.You have got used to failure and now you almost expect to fail even before you have started.

UNLESS.... you decide that its about time YOU took some responsibility for your actions, stop blaming "IT" and feeling a victim ( bad things always happen to me) and instead dont wait for the 1st January 2013 but decide you want to change your life NOW !!

I can help you - I cant lose the weight or stop smoking the ciggies for you BUT I can give you all the tools that you need to change your belief system and find it easy to lose weight ( without being on a diet) or to Stop Smoking and become a non-smoker. Please call me now on 01234-313186, visit my Website,or email me at greg.coyne@purehypno.com

Touch Wood and Cross Fingers - More than just Mumbo-Jumbo

I have just finished a session with a top European Ski instructor - who has had a mismanaged thinking about whether or not they can progress to the next level of their career path and pass the next exam. I was trying to explain the difference between rehearsing success and rehearsing failure. I asked what her thoughts are when she is at the top of the slope looking down at the piste and the gates... her first though would have been "touch wood" but as we have done a couple of sessions she stopped herself saying it !! What does that say about you and how much responsibility YOU take for your life and its outcomes if you put the result of a tough skiing exam down to whether or not you had touched wood - an inanimate plank or similar. It sounds ridiculous doesnt it but thats what many people do:-) Crossing your fingers is just as bad!! Why?

Because at the moment you touch wood or cross your fingers its the same as you saying " Im taking no responsibility for this outcome - I am putting all of my faith in someone or something else" and if it works out then its not down to me and if it doesnt then its not my responsibility either. If you want something to happen in your life firstly think about what outcome you want and then secondly take steps to MAKE it happen.. That is what we call having an Internal Locus of Control or taking responsibility for life and its outcomes.

You need to not rely on luck, fate, chance, and paranormal beliefs. Dont put all of your faith for things happening in other people and start to have belief in your own abilities. The work that I do with THRIVE can put YOU back in control of YOUR life - show you how to become calm and relaxed rather than anxious and stresses. The beauty is that if you are willing to put some effort into managing your thinking better than it is in fact quite easy.

Call me now on 01234 313186 or email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com to take that first step to getting control back in YOUR life.

Will Power - how do you get it?

When I see my WEIGHT LOSS and STOP SMOKING clients one of the first reasons that they have for failing to achieve their goals is "I have no Willpower". So what is this magic willpower and how you you get it? Most of my clients actually come to me wanting me to "fix them" and the first thing I tell them is that I dont "fix" anyone but what I do is show and explain to you how you can actually fix yourself - and often its really easy.

The amount of effort, or will power that we put in to anything at all depends upon what we get back. We dont do anything unless their is a BENEFIT. One of the problems is that when you have tried to do something a number of times, and failed all the time, how much effort will you actually put in the next time you try - if you expect to fail and probably feel even worse once you have failed than you feel now then I dont think you will put much effort in at all. Take it one step further - if I said to you I would give you 20p a mile to get round the London Marathon course next April how much effort would you put in? Would you even get out of bed for 20p a mile? However is I said I would give you £20000 a mile I bet you would put in more effort and maybe even go training down the gym to get fitter. So the bigger the reward or benefit the more effort you put in. Its the same with weight loss - if you lose that 2 stone how will your life be different? What will you do or be able to do that you cant do now? If the benefits are not there, and in sufficient quantity, you wont put the effort in.

I very occasionaly get a client for HYPNO-BAND that comes in to see me a bit disappointed about what they have lost in weight over the last week, maybe a couple of pounds. My first question is how much effort have you put in last week? Then follows an indignant look and the response of loads of effort. OK then I say, on my famous scale of 1-10 where ten is loads and one is... well couldn't give a monkeys... how much effort? The response is normally at least 6 effort to which I reply - Well 2 weeks ago you told me you wanted to lose this weight 10/10 so why only put in 6 effort. We need to change that mindset and thats what we work on.

If you want to change your life around but maybe feel a little powerless or lack willpower then give me a call on 01234-313186 or email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com as I can help you.

Resolving Depression without Drugs, Fact or Fiction?

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, and well being. Its probably fair to say that we have all felt "depressed" at some time in our life, we may have even known someone who was/is "clinically depressed" a family member maybe or a friend. Most often the first course of action with depression is to visit a doctor and get prescribed something to "make them feel better".

However I see many people in my Bedford and Milton Keynes Clinics each week who have been depressed for a long while, often many many years, and been given tablets but who often dont want to take the the tables through fear of becoming dependent upon them, and they invariably often end up not taking them. I would never advocate not taking prescribed tablets but maybe deep down these people actually know there may be a different way, or that they can combine the tablets with something different as well... But their feelings of being powerless to change things hold them back from taking that responsibility...

There is another route you can try - it will certainly help minimise the symptoms and in many cases resolve them. Its called THRIVE and is all about retraining your brain to think differently, managing your thinking, getting you to take control back in your life, choosing what you let affect you and what not, getting to grips with your imagination, and basically possibly for the first time understanding who you are and that there are many things you may like to change about yourself and you actually CAN make those changes and often quite easily.

Its not your fault that you may have a "mis-managed" way of thinking about things. Lets be honest our parents taught us how to brush our hair, clean our teeth, have a wash, tie our shoelaces, ride a bike, cross the road and then at school we are taught Maths, History, English etc but WHO ever taught us how to manage our thoughts and our emotions. The answer is no-one ever did so its something we learn or attempt to learn as we go through life. That means its very easy to pick up bad habits of thinking and then develop a HUGE negative belief system that tells us "I cant", "Its too difficult", I will fail, "It wont work" etc... But these bad habits of thinking are easy to change if you are prepared to put a bit of work in.

So are you prepared to put in a bit of work - I can help you with resolving your symptoms of depression, but also so much more. You have only to look at my WEBSITE to see the range of SYMPTOMS that my Hypnotherapy and Thrive training can assist you with. Why not make that call or email now - get the life back that you deserve. Call me on 01234-313186 or email on greg.coyne@purehypno.com

Losing Weight is Easy !!

The papers have recently been stating that " There is no quick fix to losing weight" but I think all of those people who have been on diets and focussed on weight loss for a long time already know that. Past experiences have developed a HUGE negative belief system about weight loss - such as its going to be hard, I will probably fail - so when they do eventually fail its only what they expected to happen anyway. But if you expect to fail how much effort will you actually put in to lose that weight? How much responsibility will YOU take to lose the weight or are you looking for that quick fix or for someone to lose the weight for you?

I tend to see one common factor with almost everyone who comes to see me at either my Bromham or my Milton Keynes office for weight loss, and in particular the Hypno-Band... their personality type. So if you have been trying to lose weight for many many years, lose weight then put it on again, try a different diet, lose and put on again, then let me try and use my "mind-reading skills" to tell you a little about yourself:

OK so close your eyes so I can concentrate ... the mists are clearing... I can see that you are very much a people person, put other people first, give fantastic advice to others but dont often take your own advice, you are sensitive and often over-sensative, you can have mood swings being happy one minute and a bit sad the next, you also have an all or nothing attitude - if there is a bar of chocolate in the fridge you cant just have one piece - you can have none and it will stay there for weeks but have one chunk and you have to finish it off.. well how did I do?

Your personality type has a huge amount to do with your weight loss efforts, as does managing your thinking. In my opinion the only weight loss Programme that helps you to overcome these hurdles is the Hypno_Band Programme. My job is to change your belief system about losing weight, and then give you the tools to make that permanent weight loss possible. You have to take responsibility to change your relationship with food by using these tools, you have to put the effort in, but with my work and your effort it is possible for you to lose all that you want to lose - Lorraine lost over 5 stone, as did Julia and many others. In fact Jane lost nine and a half stone.

Call me on 01234-313186 or email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com if the time is now right for you to change your life.