My life is shit... But is it really?

Today a client came in to my office and stated - Greg, my life is shit, Im a generous man but everyone I help shits on me. Why does it ALWAYS happen to me? Well those who know me will vouch for the fact that I am very tactful, wouldnt say boo to a goose, so will not be surprised when I replied " Thats absolute BOLLOCKS !!"

Now this man has very low self esteem, huge external locus of control, and is very social phobic so its not really surprising that he has totally mis-managed thinking at the moment having only had one session so far. The secret to being a good, nay a GREAT therapist, is having an ability to listen and hang on to information in case it comes in handy at any point. So out comes the old pad and paper and I draw a circle and around the circle I write "My Life is Shit"... said man replies Spot on !!

Now out comes my ammunition...

Ok so everyone shits on you eh... how many people have shit on you and not appreciated your generosity? Reply - about 20!
If you are a generous man you wouldnt have just helped 20 would you so how many others have you helped that haven't shit on you? Reply Probably well over 200 Hmnn... so how does 20 out of 220 relate to a statement of everyone then????
How long have you been married I ask to which he replies about 25 years....
How many kids and how have they turned out? Reply 2 and yes pretty good !!
You rolled up in a Bentley last week and an XK Jag this week so is your business good as I think you own your own Company? Reply yes business is fantastic.

So I think you can see where this is going - its very easy to think your life is shit and I would add even if you think it NEVER say it !! But sometimes you have to break the picture down in to smaller segments...

This guy had people a long time ago that shit on him, but he carried on helping other people. He is a really good guy so process that achievement !!

This guy owns and controls a multi-million pound Company even though his health is not the best. He is a successful business man who looks after the welfare of his workers so process that achievement !!

This man has been married for over 20 years and looked after his wife and helped develop his children. So process the fact he is a great husband and a loving father !!

The only problem is that he has lost perpective on his life, hasnt processed his achievements properly instead focussing on the negative aspects of his life which actually are pretty small... So he walked away today with a spring in his step, his THRIVE book under his arm, and an action that he decided to do this evening which was to write down all the good things in his life.... his life is magically no longer shit it is - as he put it - actually bloody good!!

Is it time you changed your life around? Call me now on 01234-313186, email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com or visit my website the Bedford Hypnotherapist. I can help you - I cant fix you BUT I can give you all the tools to fix yourself!!

Musings of a Therapist on Locus of Control....

Like many parents at this time of year I was sitting here thinking about Christmas and in particular past Christmas's - when the kids were small and I didn't feel quite so old and ancient. It didn't seem that long ago we were watching them perform at their primary school nativity plays. Proud parents watching their kids and hoping they don't drop baby Jesus from the crib, or trip up one of the three wise men on stage. Daughter thinking that as Mary the Mother of Christ she should have been allowed to wear her Fairy wings, son not understanding why he had to be one of the wise men and not Joseph - after all in the Bible Joseph didnt have sticky out ears and wear glasses!!

A locus of control develops in a child at a very early age based on how the child is encouraged, praised, nurtured and directed through those early years but as a parent then I had no idea about locus of control. My daughter went through school, did well, always very popular - every week it seemed that we were forking out for a present she could take to her latest friends party - and as they grow older you start to wonder what the future holds, what job they may end up in. I think my daughter always knew what she wanted to do from a very early age and was never swayed. She knew what it was she wanted to achieve but had to take responsibility to make it happen as no one could do it for her. It required putting in some effort - in fact I will correct that - it required putting in a lot of effort!

She worked hard, she studied, she knew her path would involve requiring passing examinations and getting good grades, and that it would require getting accepted for a University place. We had blips on the way, self doubts at times, required help from within the family and outside the family, but always that driving force to achieve her goals spurred her on. She even had time for more parties - but the presents she took to those were slightly different from those as a child. She focussed on what she wanted to happen and then took responsibility to make it happen - a strong Internal Locus of Control. She got her rewards and achieved her goal, and of course I'm a proud parent. As a proud parent I process MY role in that process which boosts my own Internal Locus Of Control....

So why I am thinking about this all now? Well as I said its that time of year when Nativity Plays and other school productions get in full swing and this year I again have a child involved in primary school productions. But there is a difference as this is now my child, who is now the Primary School Teacher, with their own class of Year 6 children, putting on a show for parents - young and old :-)

Taking responsibility to make happen whatever you want to happen takes effort, and it won't happen over night. Your goal maybe to get a new job, lose weight, stop smoking, save for a house, get a qualification but whatever it is you CAN achieve it. Just don't wait for things to happen - make them happen and when they do make sure you really process the achievement.

If you want help to get that Locus of Control then give me a call on 01234 313186 or email me on Greg.coyne@purehypno.com

Locus of Control - How much responsibility do YOU take in your life?

Locus of Control - How much responsibility do YOU take in your life? How much do you rely on other people to boost your self esteem? Its amazing really that so few people have even heard of Locus of Control but it plays a huge part in all of our lives. Unless you understand a little bit about yourself its very easy to fall in to the External Locus of Control way of thinking. This basically means that all the good things that happen in your life you tend to put down to other people making it happen or other things making it happen - you dont process things Internally, you dont process your achievements. You just wait for things to happen... and then are so disappointed when nothing happens, thinking to yourself why cant I have some good luck now and again, why does crap always happen to me.

Taking control to gain an Internal Locus of Control is about focussing on what you want to happen in your life and then taking responsibility to make it happen rather than to sit back and wait for things to happen. Wouldnt it be easy for example to fall out with a friend and take no responsibility to try and "patch things up" relying instead on waiting for someone else to take responsibility to get the ball rolling. I'm sure we have all done that... But wouldnt you feel better, have a greater feeling of self esteem, in you decided to take things in to your own hands rather than wait for someone or something else to fix things? Or what about wanting to get a new job but you sit waiting for someone else to offer you a new position or approach YOU ... chances are it probably wont happen. Instead you can take the initiative and get your CV out there, scour the newspapers, get on the books of agencies, and actually start to work on WHAT YOU WANT to happen. That action would boost your self esteem hugely.

This Locus of Control is a huge part of why people tend to fail at diets - they know what they want to happen ie lose weight, but they dont take enough responsibility to MAKE it HAPPEN. If you could develop an Internal Locus of Control you would focus on what you want to happen ie Lose Weight, and then think about HOW CAN I INFLUENCE THAT to get the result that I want? Of course you could eat only when you are hungry, stop eating when you start to get full, eat healthy smaller portions and do some exercise to assist the weight loss.,

I can help you to develop an Internal Locus of Control very quickly so if there are areas of your life that you feel you need to improve, why not make that first step by calling me GREG COYNE the Bedford Hypnotherapiston 01234 313186 or emailing me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com? If you dont you could be waiting for things to happen... for a very, very long time!

"IT" - the cause of Stress and Anxiety issues !!

A strange title for a Blog is probably what you are thinking now - at least I hope you are. I want to challenge your thinking for a while, because every day I hear clients talking about "IT". This "IT" is all empowering as IT can cause people to be stressed, IT can cause people to be angry, IT can cause people to be anxious, or happy, or sad.... there seems to be very little by way of emotions that "IT" cannot cause. Just have a think for a moment how many times a week you may say to either yourself, friend, work collegue or a family member things like the following:

"My work really makes me feel stressed" "Driving to work really makes me feel anxious" "When I look in the mirror and see myself it really makes me feel sad"

The common denominator is that if you do think like that YOU are taking no responsibility for how you are feeling. You are putting the way you feel on other people or other things MAKING you feel a certain way, and thats not correct! Your work does NOT make you feel stressed - you CHOOSE to feel stressed about your work and you could choose not to by managing your thoughts and your emotions properly. Driving does not make you feel anxious - you choose to feel anxious about driving and again if you managed your thoughts and emotions properly you could choose not to. Likewise looking in the mirror does not MAKE YOU feel sad... Get the idea?

When ever you use the word IT you are taking responsibility for something happening away from yourself and putting things down to a mysterious force, something outside of your control, and that's what we call an External Locus of Control. The good thing is that this is really easy to change using THRIVE or Hypnotherapy if you are prepared to put in some effort, and in a very short time the stress and anxiety that IT causes you to suffer could have disappeared - permanently.

If you are interested to find out more please call me on 01234 313186, email me on greg.coyne@purehypno.com or even contact me through my WEBSITE.